Southern Fried Writers

Finally a use for those Advanced Math Classes

2007-04-22T20:10:00.000-05:00

I was explaining a dilemma I had with my wip to my mother. Character A couldn't be next on stage because I needed her free to check on Character D later on. I couldn't have her on stage because I needed her to observe a person in the audience. So that left her as either first on stage or last. Since my character wasn't popular enough to be a headliner, the only option was for her to be first. During this explanation my mother interrupts to point out that it was sort of like an algebraic equation (she's more mathematically inclined).

"You have to get both sides to balance for Character A."

"Oh like B+C -A=Death"?

"Exactly", she then adds, "Well, you finally found a use for those Algebra classes." ::Insert foot stomping cackle::

Writing Equations, who knew!

Happy Easter, Y'all

2007-04-07T12:38:00.000-05:00

And It is time for Happy Bunny.

2007-04-02T19:38:00.000-05:00

Not that I'm in a bad mood or anything, but I just love Happy Bunny, just because it's funny. And I'm in a good mood.

I'm probably in a good mood beause I got some great news from my publisher that Unified Souls was now available at Fiction Wise, and it's doing rather well over there. Which always makes me giggle a bit.

And Happy Bunny makes me giggle.

So I thought, for today, I'd put the two together... :)

The Cast Party Sucks

2007-03-21T20:38:00.000-05:00

Ever picked up a book, went "Oh, this sounds wonderful!" and start reading and say "WHOA, hold the phone... who is this?"

I know I have. Vicki Blake posted an interesting one about this over at Romancing The Blog today. I can totally feel her pain.

Getting a book, thinking it sounded wonderful, then reading it and thinking "I just don't like this character. I just don't like her," can totally ruin a good book for me.

What is my biggest pet peeve?

Even the characters with the worst self opinion need to come out of their hatred of themselves to revel in the fact that they're actually in love/lust/trust with the hero.

I hate reading books where the heroine is so down on herself/so untrusting that she wont' give the hero that one significant piece of the puzzle that'll make the story fall into place.

I don't do Too Stupid/Stubborn To Live heroines. They just don't do it for me.

What kind of characters don't work for you?

Little Feet, Big Shoes

2007-02-22T13:37:00.000-05:00

My daughter is currently dancing around my house in my big, heavy, rubber shoes that I wear to work because they are super comfortable.

It's interesting that she doesn't seem bothered by the size of them, her only complaint is that she keeps falling when she tries to stand on her tippy toes.

I find that fascinating. Especially the writer part of me.

She doesn't care that the shoes are big, she just cares that she stands on her tippy toes, that she can do something in them that she's never been able to do before.

Interesting metaphor for writing.

I have a lot of writers that I admire. Women who have written dozens of books in what seems like short periods of time. Women who write great books. Funny books. Emotional books. And a part of me feels like a little kid in my mommy's shoes, trying to step up to the plate and do the same thing.

Except, unlike my daughter, I worry about filling up those shoes, those people who I enjoy and adore and hope to be like.

I should take a hint from my daughter and not worry about filling the shoes, but instead, worry about standing on my toes, because that's the goal, not whether other people's shoes fit me.

You've Got To Be Seen In Green

2007-02-17T21:16:00.000-05:00

I was watching The Wiz when I realized the publishing industry is a lot like the Emerald City Sequence. That's the scene in Oz where everyone is dressed in the color of the moment dancing and singing...about the color. Oh forget it, here's the scene.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the Wiz and writing. Just like the citizens of Oz, many writers faithfully follow the current trends. There are some that won't even write a story unless it's the "in" thing. So you have these writers rushing to get in on the latest craze while waiting anxiously for some great announcement proclaiming their story as hot or not.

Remember when paranormals became hot? It started as Vampire romance then writers glutted the market so the stories evolved into ~~Buffy fan fiction~~ vampire hunter stories. Now everyone has some kind of series featuring a menagerie (and menage) of paranormal creatures.

How about the birth ~~of shallow, self-absorbed heroines with shoe obsessions~~ Chick Lit. After the success of Bridget Jones Diary, everyone tried to catch a ride on that bandwagon. Some of the writers who'd just finished their paranormals were ~~freaking out~~ resourceful enough to insert designer brands into the story and...voila Paranormal Chick-Lit.

Now the trend seems to be leaning toward Demon romance and menage a threes and fours. I can't help but wonder what's going to be the next big thing? Will it be dyslexic midgets (excuse me, little people) or perhaps colorblind "mama's boys"?

Drugs

2007-02-07T13:44:00.000-05:00

I need 'em.

I'm so sick I can't hardly focus on the computer screen. Much less type.

My kid was super generous and decided to share her sinus infection with me. Joy. So here I sit, my brain rambling and not making any darn sense as I feel stoned out of my mind, waiting for the pharmacy to fill my prescription.

The one good side to all this -- I came up with a rather interesting idea for a paranormal story, the Soul Fillers. Course, I'm in the middle of writing so much stuff, I really need to finish what I"ve started, but I think I'll make some notes about Soul Fillers and stick it in my "new ideas" folder and just let it ferment for a while.

It's really interesting what your mind will come up with when you're so out of it, your head doesn't feel attached to your body.

My Name Is Ginny. Ginny Is My Name.

2007-02-04T08:30:00.000-05:00

Blogger ate my post. I'm not too upset since the post really did suck. I should have known to table the post when Blogger kept disconnecting me last night. Thing is, I really don't have anything to say. So instead of rambling out of my head, I'm just going to post this retro gem from The Electric Company for you.

Trapped Between The Words

2007-01-29T23:22:00.000-05:00

It's interesting what happens when you sit down to write something. It's like cracking open a new world for you to find.

Sometimes you find yourself trapped in a space that's not what you're used to, and you want to immediately stop.

Sometimes, the words flow so naturally, you can't help but work.

I'm the type, when I find that former mentioned space, that I start fidgiting. I refill my drink. I go smoke. I get something to munch on, I backtrack and go over previous segments to make sure I'm in the mood. I fiddle with my hair. I go pee. Anything to avoid opening that vein to get that particular scene down.

Which is exactly what it feels like, because it usually happens when I have to dig into a character's head, and figure out her motivation. Notice I said "her." Men, I have no problem with. Women, my female protags especially, I feel like I'm looking too deep, that there's too much there, and I don't want to see it.

Perhaps this is me, transfering my own incredible ability to deny anything emotional into my characters's, or maybe, it's because I know how much of my characters are me, and how much of them aren't.

Sometimes I just don't want to see.

Inspire Me

2007-01-25T11:29:00.000-05:00

A news story caught my imagination the other day. The story was tragic. A woman had been stabbed to death, but the child she was carrying was saved.
Unbidden, my mind started going through the possibilities of using this in a story. What was this child's life going to be like? Did they have family? And so on.
It's amazing the things that kick your imagination into overtime working out storyline after storyline until it settles into an idea. If the idea is good enough, it'll pester you, the characters will be able to voice their opinions and force you to finally pay them attention.
Another example of this happening to me is a story I'm working on now. I had a dream of a girl forced to fight in a fight she was ignorant of until she was thrust into it. She was mad as hell about it too. I remember her ranting as she was fighting. The next day she bugged me until I just started writing her story during my break at work. The story is still developing, but she's so vibrant, so different from any of my other work. I'm glad I'm writing her story. I'm also glad she got me to do it in first person. It didn't feel right wrote any other way.

So my question is what inspires you? Where do your ideas come from? Have you ever had a story take hold of you until you had to write it? And have the characters become bossy little voices in your head ranting they want you to hurry up and work on their story?

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T06:18:00.000-05:00

Y'all Have A Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T06:24:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-22T21:31:00.000-05:00

How Bout Them Cocks?

2006-11-19T18:16:00.000-05:00

I love cocks.

I'm not ashamed to admit it. I adore cocks, even when they don't perform that well. Of course I come from the land of cocks, Gamecocks that is. Here, it's nothing to hear hour long conversations about cocks or see children running around in burgundy "Cock" sweatshirts. I often forget that "cock" isn't a word generally accepted in public. A few weeks ago, I was playing an online game where someone asked why was the word "cock" blocked (no pun intended). The first thing I thought was "Must be a Clemson fan".

Being no stranger to cocks or cockfests, it really irritates me to see the amount of abuse "cocks" take in erotic romance. Every other page has them. Hard cocks, weeping cocks, red cocks, black cocks, and I even read a book that had blue cocks. It's ridiculous. Can't these people think of other words to use? It almost makes me long for the sheathed swords again.

The last erotic romance I read used the word so many times it brought to mind that episode of Spongebob Squarepants. You know the one where Spongebob and Patrick use those Sentence Enhancers.

Sentence Enhancers

Is the heat rating based on the amount of times "cock" is used? Come to think of it, who the heck thought cock was a sexy word for penis anyway? I see the word and all I think of is chickens. Usually 6 foot tall burgundy chickens. There's nothing erotic about farm animals engaging in sexual acts (well maybe to some, but I'm not talking about fetishes today).

Can't some other words be introduced to erotic romance? Something a little more sensual, exciting, less earthy? (Don't look at me, I don't write romance)

I mean when you really think about it, there's nothing sexy about a cock and pussy together (well maybe just a little).

G O C O C K S !

Discovery

2006-11-14T14:27:00.000-05:00

The day I discovered that I wrote romance novels was a shocker to me.

I thought I wrote science fiction. My first novel, Unified Souls, was set in another galaxy. Therefore, it's scifi, right?

I studied and researched scifi novels; I knew the different genres, the different types of stories, everything.

Yet there was this tiny part of me that rebelled a bit. After I read any scifi book, I would sneak in a contemporary romance novel, just to "reset the brain," or so I told myself. I couldn't read scifi after scifi, simply because my eyes would glaze over and my head would start to swim after the pages of "Tom Clancy-esque" description of how a ship worked, or what made the gun fire. I felt like I was back in chemistry or physics, and my brain would start to hurt, and I'd wonder what day it was.

So I'd read a romance in between. And that's not to say that romances don't make you think, because they do, believe me, but it wasn't as painful as a process. Most of the time I inhaled romance novels, reading them in mere days, when it would take me weeks to read a scifi novel.

I wrote it off to my "girly" factor, saying that I "got it" more than I did with the scifi.

After a filleting of my latest submission of Unified Souls in its most infant stages, I got to talking with two other writers.

One of them asked me a question, which changed my life.

"What matters more in your story -- the relationship between the characters or the mysterious plot?"

I immediately replied "The relationship between Devin and Jasmine."

"Then you write romance, honey, not scifi."

Those words slammed me in a way I had never expected.

It explained my need to read as much romance as I did. It explained everything!

Now, here I am, five years later, a proficient romance writer.

Am I proud?

Heck yeah.

Where else can you get paid to write sex scenes?

Ah, Sweet New Orleans

2006-10-29T01:06:00.000-05:00

This time last week I was sitting on the 30th floor of the Sheraton on Canal Street in New Orleans. After 8 years of staying around the home front for vacation, I got an actual out of the state vacation. It was wonderful! I went to Sherrilyn Kenyon's (aka Kinley McGregor) KCon. If you don't know who Sherrilyn is, let me enlighten you. She writes these wonderful books about men and women who protect the innocent from those who prey on them. They are called the Dark Hunters. Most of their stories have taken place in and around the French Quarter. 300 fans, including myself and my hubby ventured to New Orleans for the first ever KCon. There was so much to do and see. Sad to say, we didn't get everything seen we wanted to see. Now, I'm having to figure out how to save up for another road trip. There has been mention of us moving there, but not seeing that as possible with both our jobs. It really is beautiful there with tons of history.

Not only did I get to meet some great people because of Sherrilyn, but she had some editors there for those of us who were interested in meeting. (I think this is the news that Candice was impatiently waiting for.) I met with one of them Saturday afternoon, while others waited in line for Sherrilyn to sign their books. I was extremely nervous, but sucked it up and though positive thoughts. Mostly I think it was breath normal, keep your voice in check (no squeaking) and ran over what I was going to say about my story. The time came for me to talk to her. I walked over, shook hands, exchanged pleasantries and sat down. I went right into the spiel. After the synopsis I added why it was the heroine didn't want to get into a relationship, her vow to her career... no men. The editor looked me in the eyes and I swear her voice got louder when she asked me why the heroine had made her vow. When I explained it to her, she nodded her head and handed me her card. She said she liked it, she wanted 3 chapters, synopsis and cover letter explaining I met her at KCon. Said she didn't normally do this, but liked it. I was already reworking the openning, so imagine how much harder I'm trying to focus.

Afterwards, went back to the signing and showed everyone the card. That evening, we had a Ghost tour of the Quarter, then Beignets at Cafe DuMonde. Oh so yummy! Next morning was brunch at Brennan's. Back to the hotel after brunch to pack up. Sherrilyn was a sweetie and told us if we wanted her to sign anything else she would be downstairs in the lobby. It all seemed to go by so fast! We rounded the day off with shopping at the French Market, dinner on a balcony overlooking the French Market then a carriage ride around the Quarter. Unable to help ourselves, we took another walk around the quarter Monday morning before we left. We walked over to the Riverwalk and looked around.

The return to normalacy has been a kick in the head. Hubby and I keep saying how much we miss New Orleans. We're already making a list of the things we missed this past trip; Garden District, the Cemeteries, trying a handgrenade and more.

Waiting Anxiously for Mooncat!

2006-10-23T21:25:00.000-05:00

I'm waiting with my fingers crossed for Mooncat to get back from the writer's convention she went to over the weekend...

I got a feeling she's got some decent news!

:::biting nails in anticipation:::

Hey, It's only been 2 years for me!

2006-10-20T02:56:00.000-05:00

Brian's Novel

There Is Superstition

2006-10-13T13:46:00.000-05:00

My day was pretty good, until I remembered I forgot to post yesterday and didn't have anything to say today. Darn Friday 13th.

So I guess I will ponder some obscure superstitions. I know in the Black community it is unlucky to sweep around someone's feet. Trust me, if you do have the misfortune to sweep around some old ladies, your whole week will be unlucky after they knock you upside the head.

Another superstition we have is the fear of women with white livers. That's what they say about a woman if a few men linked (husband, boyfriends, lovers) to her die. It doesn't matter that the man is like 90 or so at the time of death. If the men keep dying, she must have a white liver. No one has ever confirmed that white liver but speculation sure makes reading the obituary fun.

So come on, share some of your silly or obscure superstitions. It's not like you have anything better to do other than watch the Friday the 13th marathon.

kids books

2006-10-10T23:42:00.000-05:00

My husband wants me to write a children's book.

I would love to write a children's book.

I have no clue how to write a children's book.

Seriously, no idea.

I mean, how do you organize? What about the illustrations, am I supposed to do those myself, or does the publisher do that?

I should google it, see what I can come up with, but for the time being, I'm pretty clueless.

Does anyone have any ideas?

A New Day... and still a Day Late

2006-10-09T00:05:00.001-05:00

So here is is Sunday night and the weekend has flown by again. Where do they go? I don't know all I know is I'm not ready for Monday.

I realized tonight I forgot to post here yesterday. So here I am. Posting. AND I don't have a single thought to post. I guess I'll just do a 'Hi Ya" and put something cute here.

Get Off My Backstory

2006-10-05T00:44:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I was on this fanfiction site and came across some of the reviews for the author. Most of the reviews were the standard "OMG this story rocks!" but there were a few that stood out. Several of the commenters were asking questions about the backstory. Questions that had nothing to do with the main characters of the story or even characters of the series. I thought this was funny as heck and laughed about it for a good three minutes. I mean, come on, it's just FANFICTION! Then I had a thought (which is both dangerous and rare), if people react like this to fanfiction, what will they do with my work?

Do I risk having a reader question me about my backstory? If my character Liz suggests eating somewhere other than Popeye's Chicken and I've mention in the story that she hates Popeye's after getting some bad chicken there once. Will some nutcase email me with questions like "How many other people got sick that day"; "Was it some sort of conspiracy"; and "Did all the victims file a class action lawsuit and win"? Especially since it has no relevance to the story whatsoever.

I understand the importance of backstory and all, but there can be too much. Too much backstory cuts into the main plot. So where do you draw the line in creating the backstory?

Unifed Souls gets ANOTHER great review!

2006-10-01T01:25:00.000-05:00

Unifed Souls gets another great review over at The Romance Studio

Candace Gilmer creates a wonderful action packed story that should be made into a movie as the latest saga of Star Wars! Unified Souls kept me hooked from the very first page and it was very easy to read and kept me on the edge of my seat. As I read this book, I began to see Jasmine and Devin's uncertainty with each other, lack of trust coupled with their desires and hurts. This book is a must read for all paranormal fans and definitely a keeper!

Imagine my surprise when I opened my email box tonight and found this!

WHOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How Perceptive of You

2006-09-30T01:32:00.000-05:00

Happily, I was leaving work the other day and relishing the glorious fall afternoon air. I realized how everything boils down to our perceptions. In a world where things are prefabricated, manufactured and mass produced our perceptions are our own. And in writing it's important that we are able to convey our character's perceptions appropriately to draw in the reader's attention.

I'm going to give you some examples of different things and example perceptions. I want you to think about what your peceptions of the item would be.

A sunny fall afternoon.

The crisp clean air carried a chill through the alley between the two buildings. As I came out of the building's shadow the sun warmed me, blinding my eyes, but bringing a smile to my face. It made me think of rebirth and renewal of spirit.

Christmas Holidays.

The shops were overflowing with people rushing about looking the perfect gift. A gift that either cost too much to be afforded or didn't exist, except in the mind of the shopper. As a rather plump lady plowed by, crushing my foot with her buggy's wheels, I heard the song Jingle Bells muzak style begin to play over the speakers. Hearing the song for the 2000th time 3 weeks til Christmas made my anger flare even more so regarding the lady running over my foot. It was no wonder the holidays were the time of year when suicide numbers went up.

Everything effects our perceptions. From the elements, time of year, environment and just our general state of mind at that particular moment in time, everthing is a factor.

I'm a REAL REVIEWED AUTHOR!

2006-09-26T14:19:00.000-05:00

Romance Reader at Heart reviewer Julie said:

Candice Gilmer did a remarkable job combining a raging science fiction story with streaks of a fervent romance in her book, UNIFIED SOULS. Although I am not a big fan of this genre and it took me a bit longer than usual to read it, I can honestly say that in the end, I applaud Ms. Gilmer for turning me into a semi sci-fi fan...

UNIFIED SOULS is a very good blend of action, adventure, fantasy and romance. Gilmore did a great job adding all these elements to her book. The story itself was easy enough to follow, and for a science fiction plot, it was easy enough to understand. If this genre of book is to your liking, then I think UNIFIED SOULS is just the book for you.

Click here for the full review!

SHHAAAAWWIIINNNGGGGG!

I think it's time, my southern bells, to break out either the champagne, or the So Co........ :)

What's in a name?

2006-09-23T01:03:00.000-05:00

So, I've been working on some stories. Greatful and jealous I don't have as many stories running around as Candice, but still a few are out there. One story in particular basically kept me awake at 3 am the other morning. I woke up and there was a scene running through my head. The main character Hellion was so adamant I get up to write the scene down before I forgot. In my delirium, did I mention this was 3 freaking am on a work day? I came up with a new character. I wasn't even thinking of her existing, but as I wrote she appeared. Her name, her personality all jumped from abyss that is my mind. And lo and behold I liked it... when I read it five hours and a 20 ounce coke later. Stella, nicknamed Interplanetary Stella answered the phone.

This made me think about the name process. Some of the names I have come up with I have labored over books and websites looking for the perfect name for a character. One time I looked up at the tv and a marathon was on there. I pulled the name right off the screen. I don't just come up with first and last names I like for my characters to have a first, middle and last, sometimes even a nickname. I want there name to represent who they are even when I'm still trying to think of who they are. Then there are the character's whose names just pop in your head as you are writing the story. You see them, you connect with them and you just sense their names. Wish it was always that simple, but it's not.

Now, I pose this question to you: How do you come up with your character's names? Do you agonize over the process? Or do you just go with the flow?

How much is too much?

2006-09-19T13:14:00.000-05:00

They say you never know how much writing you can do until you sit down and do it.

I'm learning that.

You see, I'm working on not just one, but 3 projects with a fourth on the way, (that one's still stewing in my brain, waiting until it's ripe before sitting down to work on it)

Project one: A novel called Fate's Design, about how fate can throw people together even in the worst scenarios.

Project two: A short story for a Halloween sub for Aphrodite's Apples, called (tentatively) Unholy Nights.

Project three: A new Kandi Kayne novel, again tentatively titled Mystical-something-or-other (I can't remember, since I’m not looking at it at the moment.) It's a sequel to the short story that AA has coming out in January, featuring the newly created Kandi Kayne, a kick butt Knight of Templar.

Project four: The next part in the Unified Souls series.

And how much time does my brain have to process all this information? Uh, none. So much swirls around my brain, it's shocking at what's coming out. Even my dreams are getting weird, and I've always had interesting dreams.

Not to mention, we're considering buying a new house, so the looking process has started... oh boy.

And none of this includes, yanno, day to day operations, such as cleaning, taking care of family, and work.

Lord, I need more time.

Or maybe I need less time RPGing and more time to write... lol

New Writing Partner

2006-09-17T20:44:00.000-05:00

Sorry I missed the last 2 post days. I have been preparing for my new writing buddy.

A few weeks ago I realized I really needed a writing buddy. I was looking for a certain type of buddy this time around and began to watch a few sites hoping to find someone. I came across and ad for "Mia" but really didn't know how to contact her although I felt she would be a wonderful writing partner.

Since I didn't know how to contact this "Mia", I decided to go to a meeting for friends last Saturday. Everyone there was a novice buddy and just did not seem to connect with me. Fortunately, one of the ladies there was friends with "Mia" and arranged for me to meet her later that evening.

"Mia" and I hit it off immediately. We quickly made arrangements for her to come to my house. I spent the entire weekend preparing the house for Mia's arrival. I finally picked her up Wednesday afternoon.

Isn't ~~Mia~~ Karma cute. She seems to have settled in nicely; although I haven't started writing yet (she keeps stealing my pens). She has taken over one of the lower shelves of my desk and likes to stretch out on my desk top while I am typing.

A bouquet of gel pens, a box of dryline liquid paper

2006-09-07T22:56:00.000-05:00

The other night I got stuck in Walmart waiting on my car pooling buddies to finish their browsing. My first thought after I got what I had to get was I need some notebooks for my writer's class. I headed over to the office supply isle and smiled. So many different gel pens, highlighters, dry line liquid paper, and much, much more. Once again I realized I am kind of a freak. I just love getting new pens to try out. Or better yet.. a beautiful nice new notebook. Blank pages just waiting for that first stroke of blue gel ink. My muse inside pining away for a moment where it's just me, it and my new writing supplies.

The good news is I know I'm not alone. Writers all over have the same urge to run gleefully into an office supply store for the newest gadgetry. And their muses impatiently wait. Whether it be computer, paper, or bar napkins, the urge to create flows through us with the help of these aids.

Our weapons of choice against the insanity of not being able to create other people, places and things. They say the pen is mightier than the sword, so what's your weapon of choice? Mine? Integra Retractable Blue Gel Medium Point and I always carry a back up or two to class. You never know when you'll need extra ink.

Those who love us learn to love our supply freakiness.... Flowers or gel pens? Gel Pens win everytime.

Back on Schedule...

2006-09-05T23:50:00.000-05:00

So today, I was strumming around the blog world, and I realized, oops, it's my turn to post over at Southern Fried Writers...

So here I am.

To post.

And what am I talking about?

PURPLE PROSE...

That evil, overly lyrical, too metaphoric language that writers sometimes employ, without their knowledge in some cases, to get away from the clinical language of body parts.

A few examples:

"He drove his thick, hard, throbbing man-stake into her tight, wet hole."

"Her round melons bobbed up and down as she rode his wonder-stick into the night, screaming his name."

"His love stick slid into her passion channel."

(I can't hardly write this stuff without giggling.)

What's some of your favorite Purple Prose?

Happy Labor Day!

2006-09-02T19:06:00.000-05:00

Please Proceed with the Wet Noodle Beating

2006-09-01T12:55:00.000-05:00

Yeah, okay, Ginny, I FORGOT TO POST.. I know, I know, bad Candice, bad bad bad...

So I've been busy.

Some would say, I've been insanely busy.

But some would say, (my husband in particular) that I've been "under the weather." I think I'm agreeing with him.

I haven't been writing like I should.

I have an excuse. I broke the "y" key on my laptop. Don't panic, now, it's still functional, but I popped it off, and I can't get it popped back on right. Why, do you ask, did I do such a thing? And on such an innocent key as the "y" key? Because my 'h' key was messed up.

Let me explain. The "h" key was not working right -- every time I hit the "h," the computer typed "h6." So, I tried cleaning underneath, considering that maybe a long hair had gotten stuck between the keys or some such. And the key in between the "h" and the "6" was the "y" key.

So now, when I type, I am very careful of hitting that "y" key as I go along, because I don't want to break it off...

Which is why I haven't been writing that much as of late. I NEVER realized how many times I strike a "y" when typing...

In fact, up to this point, I've typed 37 "y's..."

Which is why I've been ginger with my laptop keyboard.

And I know the symptoms -- cranky, moody, an urge to literally POUND on the keys as I type in something online. Shoot, when I need to write, I type even faster when doing anything else, and there's an almost violence when I hit the keyboard.

Why is that?

Why when I need to type something, when I need to write like I should, I start pounding on the keyboard like there's no tomorrow? And when I'm writing like I should, I'm so much kinder to the keys.

Right now, if my keys were people, they'd be a bloody mess.

I don't get this concept, but I have a theory.

(You knew I had a theory)

I think, in my own goofy mind, that the pounding on the keys is like my muses screaming at me, through my fingers, that I should be writing. My body, in some physiological way, knows that I should be writing, so it's trying to prove its point by hitting the keys harder.

Guess I'd better go get some more writing done, or I'll mutilate this keyboard.

Ps: 75 "y's" in this entire post.

Better Left Unsaid

2006-08-26T19:15:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about some of the words and phrases that irritate me. Unfortunately, once you realize these things annoy you, it seems like you hear or read them everywhere. Here are a few of the phrases that set my nerves on edge.

1. "I'm just saying (tho)" - Yes, I'm aware you are saying something although I believe it was more than tho.

2. "Where you at" - used as a statement "It doesn't matter where you at but where you going"

3. "Who dat (is)" - Ok sing it with me "Dat just my Baby Daddy"

4. "Holla" - Unless you're Marvin Gaye reacting to the way they do your life, let's not.

5. "First beginning" - I think this one creates a knee-jerk reaction mainly because I always hear it like this " (Insert Crappy College) is where I got my first beginning"

6. "(See) What had happened was" - Here's a public service announcement. Usually when someone begins a statement with "See what had happened was"; it's going to be followed with a lie. Just thought you should know.

7. "Needless to say" - Then don't say it!

8. "Me, Myself, Personally, (I)" - This one cracks me up every time I hear it.

What commonly used phrases irritate you?

This just sums it up for most writers

2006-08-23T17:35:00.000-05:00

'Nuff Said

How to Manage Your Time

2006-08-23T12:43:00.000-05:00

The Dream: to be a successful, PUBLISHED author adored by millions.. or I would just settle for a devout fan base.

Just kidding.

But I'm not kidding about my dream of being a published author. The hitch in the setup is finding the time to devote to my dream. The tagline for Nation Wide Insurance's commercial is "Life Comes At You Fast", unfortunately this is so very true. To accomplish one's goals you have to be willing to make the time and effort even while facing whatever life throws at you. A few simple guidelines to help keep your goals in sight could be just the thing to help strengthen your resolve.

1. Clutter: Clutter is an evil hindrence. Straighten up your creative workspace. Keep distractions around the area to a minimum. I've heard this called Streamlining your Desk. Just make sure when you streamline it, you don't get rid of the tools you will need to create. Also,it is a good thing to have items around you that inspire your creativity. I know an author who keeps a Spike doll (from Angel the Vampire Series) on her desk.

2. Plan out your time: Making time in your day for your dream can be very helpful. Even if it's only 15 - 30 minutes a day to work on it, you are doing something productive to achieve your goal. Don't stress yourself out by constantly looking at the clock. Give yourself some leeway with the time. If you are on a strict schedule, set a timer and forget about it until it dings. Of course, if you find the time allotted for your creativity is too short, experiment with your time and see what works best for you and your schedule. Another thing about setting your time to work is thinking about when you work your best. Are you a morning person whose best ideas arrive at the crack of dawn? Or are you a night person whose creativity flys upon the wings of an owl. Think about this and use your biological peak times to your advantage.

3. Setting goals and deadlines for yourself: A helpful rule of thumb to follow is DON'T MAKE YOUR GOALS TOO LOFTY. Set realistic goals and deadlines for yourself. Start out simple, then build up your goals. Make your first goal to finish 5 pages. Setting your goals too high can stress and discourage you from trying. Accomplishing smaller goals will build your confidence and start the creativity flowing.

4. Go with the flow: Looking at the words you have typed can make you second guess what you have wrote. Don't think about editting your work until after you get through the inspiration. You have time enough later to critique your creation. Stopping to pick it apart will not only waste the time you have allotted, but it will discourage your progress.

5. Making use of wasted time: Think of all the times you spent commuting, standing in lines, etc and an idea hit you. But you have nothing to write it down on. Carry a pocket notepad and pen to jot down those ideas. Or for those times you are alone in the car, a mini tape recorder is perfect to voice your ideas and not forget your thoughts. And it doesn't have to be a top of the line tape recorder, it can be inexpensive and still be just as handy.

These 5 things can be very useful in helping persue your dream, but without your drive and resolve they are nothing. My last suggestion for those struggling to find their way in the world of the published; find like minded individuals who share your dream. Together you can encourage, inspire, learn and help each other to your goals. Some communities have writing groups and there are ones like Southern Fried Writers on line that you can join.

Remember, Dreams aren't just for children and when you dream; DREAM BIG!

Ahh, to be Fried...

2006-08-22T13:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I may be Southern in heart, but I'm still a bit fried in the head...

I put on my new business cards my most favorite quote in the whole wide world, (one that's MINE.. It's MINE you understand -- MINE MINE MINE -- DOWN DOWN DOWN -- GO GO-- MINE! (best Daffy Duck immitation when he finds the Genie of the Lamp))

"If I don't write, my head will explode."

The sad thing is, that's more true than I can explain. You see, if I don't write, I really do go a bit wacky. My head really does start to swarm around, my brain starts frying and I start loosing my mind, snapping at people for no apparent reason, and generally being a bear.

I've been writing all my days, spending my time trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up, but all the while, in the middle, I was always writing something. I wanted to be a fashion designer, then an astronaut, then a fighter pilot, so I could be a Space Shuttle commander or pilot, then I wanted to be an accountant, a hairdresser, oh, and there was that brief fling with wanting to be a psychologist, (course, I realized how much school was involved for that, and that idea was nixxed.)

In between, though I spent my time writing. Poetry, short stories, long stories, whatever my wee little mind could come up with to vent whatever was on my brain that day.

It took me quite a few years to realize that I 1. really could write, and 2. I shouldn't waste that talent.

All the while, I've dealt with depression, and found, when I was younger, writing helped keep my mind sane. It allowed me to create order where there wasn't any, control over my feelings and my character's emotions. It allowed me the loss of control in a controlled environment as well, though that probably makes little sense.

But as time has gone on, I have learned one thing about writing...

If I don't write, my head really will explode.

Let's Celebrate

2006-08-19T22:53:00.000-05:00

Clucking around for a year!

Southern Fried has reason to celebrate:

Candice's first book , Unified Souls, is out!
Southern Fried Writers is still going strong after a year.
We officially became an independent group last Monday.
The SFW blog turns 1 on Tuesday!

Come on everybody, sing it with me!

Celebrate good times,
Come On!
Let's Celebrate.

Well now, To be Southern Fried

2006-08-15T23:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I think I"m gonna start by saying that I'm officially Southern Fried every Tuesday now.

Which means I'll be horribly salavating on my keyboard as I dream of fried onion rings and fried chicken when I write my blog every week because I'm on Weight Watchers, and I am avoiding that fried stuff.

But man, oh man, does it look good in the stores!

Anyway, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Candice Gilmer, my first book is out (see below for book cover and blurb) and I'm only 47% Southern, according to a pole I took (Sorry, I don't have the link or I'd post it).

Still, Ginny and Jennifer think I'm Southern enough, so now, once a week, you're going to get to hear the ramblings of a deranged, pink-haired gal's mind.

MMMMMMMMMUUUUUUHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA
HHHHAAAAAAAHAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAA

Suckers.

That was your warning. :)

Unified Souls is available TODAY!!!!

2006-07-26T22:35:00.000-05:00

Unified Souls is available for sale TWO DAYS EARLY!!!

Click Here to read an excerpt and order your copy of this great ebook today!

Unified Souls Cover Art

2006-07-18T21:19:00.000-05:00

Okay, so here's the cover art for Unified Souls, which'll be available in an ebook in August from www.aphroditesapples.com.

I think it came out really, really great.

Here's the lowdown:

Cyborgs do not show emotion. Cyborgs are more machine than actual humanoid. By all intent and purpose they are perfect.

Then a viral anomaly appears in their programming, and the cyborgs wipe each other out. Surviving by sheer accident, Jasmine Storm escapes the civil war and is propelled into the humanoid world. She spends her days as a security officer on Webster's Casino, observing humanoids and trying to understand their bizarre, emotional behavior.

Then she starts having emotions as well; feeling and memories that are not hers, or are they? They come not from her neural implants, but from some mysterious source – a source that Storm doesn't understand.

Devin Cartell, a rebel in the Uprising against the oppressive, war-bent Regime, came to Webster's to buy a splitter card to help him in the rebels' newest offensive; instead, he meets Jasmine Storm, and everything he knows is turned upside down.

Cartell is binded to his Kerabal, Mashlia Mayd, as was determined when they both were children. Yet he feels more emotion, more fire in the spiritual plane with cyborg Jasmine. Trapped between what he wants to do and what he should do, Cartell learns that Storm may
very well hold the key to defeating the Regime.

Can Jasmine Storm's past be the key to their future?

Happy July 4th!

2006-07-01T21:07:00.000-05:00

Chick Chats about E-Publishing

2006-06-27T11:25:00.000-05:00

Transcript of chat can be found here.

Whadda ya mean it's just now Summer?

2006-06-21T18:37:00.000-05:00

Happy Summer Solstice! According to the Weather Channel, today is the first day of Summer. I know it must be true, since they sent someone to Death Valley (wonder who he pissed off at the Christmas party) to prove it. I find all the Summer specials funny, since it's been Summer since March in the South. I did, however, get into the spirit of things by getting my first sunburn of the year.

I don't know what the official high for today was, but it had to be the upper 90s. How's your Summer been so far?

Can We Please Get a Moment of Silence

2006-05-28T23:50:00.000-05:00

Things you won't see in a romance novel

2006-05-03T12:42:00.000-05:00

Well initially I had discussed putting this on this blog with SFW, but then put it on my blog Musings of a declared Blonde. So if anyone is interested come and check out the post. http://www.musingsofadeclaredblond.blogspot.com/

What the neighbors are talkin' 'bout

2006-04-27T06:09:00.000-05:00

Does the man of your dreams have a mustache and a mullett? Check out this guy's profile at A Dark Planet.

Jordan Summers shares market info from RWA Desert Dreaming Conference.

Paperback Writer lists 6 major publishing corporations.

Even my drinks are Southern

2006-04-27T05:56:00.000-05:00

You're a Southern Sparkler

What's Your Comfort Cocktail?
Brought to you by Tickle

Happy Easter Y'all

2006-04-16T04:04:00.000-05:00

These are the people in your community, [writer's] community, in your community...

2006-03-04T14:40:00.000-05:00

You meet a variety of personalities in online Writer's Communities. Here are a few of the personalities I've encountered since joining an online writing community.

Anything you can do, I can do better (or worse) Annie - Don't bother to share your good (or bad) news to the room if Annie is around. Annie must be the center of attention and will trump your tale of triumph or woe without breaking a sweat. See also Testimonial Terry

Bewildered Boaster - Bewildered (Bless his heart) loves to brag about his skills in whatever the topic is for the day. Too bad he doesn't have the slightest clue about the discussion at hand. Oh well, it really doesn't matter if Bewildered really knows what he's talking about; just know he's GOOD at whatever it is.

BS Blowhard - You don't have to think hard to figure out what BS Blowhard is full of-- It ain't ideas. Blowhard possesses some strange hypnotic power over most of the community members. BS Blowhard is the man to go to for information about the industry and help although he hasn't been published yet. His ideas are over the top and always contradicts useful advice given by a published writer or agent. BS Blowhard keeps blowing his smoke and folks keep bending over so it reaches their posterior.

Colorful Commentator - Don't be fooled by this person's silence. The Colorful Commentator doesn't speak in the chat room because she's too busy talking trash about you to her partner in crime, Susie Spectator. Don't think Colorful isn't paying attention to what's going on in the room. She is taking note of all the conversations and commenting to pal Susie Spectator.

Conspiracy Carl - Poor Carl still hasn't gotten his big break in publishing. While he has yet to actually complete a manuscript (why bother if there are no buyers) he is convinced the problem is within the Publishing Industry. There is a conspiracy against him in New York. Don't worry, you will get the full story since he will happily share his views to you and the room whether you ask him or not.

Know-It All Nancy - Got a historical question? Not sure about certain police procedure? Need a realistic drug reaction? Know-It-All Nancy has all the answers. She knows everything about everything...except why she isn't published.

POD Plugger - Fed up after her third manuscript rejection, POD Plugger decided to self-publish her first book. It's been over a year and she's managed to proudly sell less than 100 copies, but who's counting? POD Plugger makes sure to mention at least once a month her excitement over selling less than 100 books. The room eagerly awaits the day POD finally breaks the 100 book hurdle.

Poor-mouth Polly - Poor-mouth Polly always has financial woes worse than yours. So what if you just had to shell out $200 to repair your computer? Polly's computer is 10 years old and constantly crashes but she can't afford a new one. There are a lot of things Polly can't afford and she doesn't hesitate to remind the room often. Polly is guaranteed to bring the conversation to a screetching halt.

Pretentious Beast - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! What's that sound? Why it can only be the sound of a Pretentious Beast making his way to chat room. If you haven't encountered one, count yourself lucky. The Pretentious Beast stalks writer chats with the intent of killing all conversations about "plebian" literature. If you mistakenly find yourself in a Pretentious Beast's lair, take caution. There will be no discussing genre literature for the night. Unless you enjoy discussing various long-winded metaphors for life, prepare to find yourself bored to tears.

Slapstick Sam - This is the guy who feels it is his duty to repeatedly entertain us with the same 8 delightful zingers (i.e. "I write mysteries. Publishers read my work and ask what is this?") Ba dum bum ching.

Susie Spectator - Susie doesn't really participate in discussions having realized that no real information is exchanged. She just shows up for the cheap entertainment. Susie always has a cyber bowl of popcorn waiting for the next big argument which is sure to start in 10 minutes. Often found trading private IMs with Colorful Commentator.

Testimonial Terry - Did you have a good day? Well think twice before sharing with the group if Terry's lurking about. Like Anything Annie, Terry cannot stand for anyone else to receive attention in the room for a long period (30 seconds) of time. While Terry cannot top your news, he can mention his own good news to interrupt your moment.

Un-funny Frank - Did you walk in on the end of a joke? Don't ask Frank about it. He never seems to get the joke since he proudly lacks a sense of humor. Don't give him a chance to get started about his deficiency unless you feel like reading the entire list of Frank's family, who all possess the humor gene.

How many of these characters have you encountered in your community?

Southern Test

2006-02-11T02:06:00.000-05:00

GRITS
Congratulations! You scored 82!

Darlin’, you are without a doubt a true southern bell or southern gentlemen. You move to a simpler way of life. With more people like u the south will rise again!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 64% on southernpoints

Link: The Southerner test Test written by stjude579 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Merry Christmas Y'all

2005-12-20T10:10:00.000-05:00

A Coon of A Tail

2005-11-21T08:03:00.000-05:00

Every year Mother and I (ok, usually only Mother) go to a Family Thanksgiving Dinner with our cousins on my Grandfather's side. They usually hold it in either the town hall or their church. It is a pretty normal meal with Turkey, Dressing, Macaroni and Cheese, Roasted Raccoon, Ham,Candied Yams... you know the usual Thanksgiving fare.

I'm going to give you a moment to find the thing that doesn't belong.......
If you said Raccoon then you are CORRECT!

Every year my cousin proudly graces the table with a small greasy pan of meat. Well, I'm sure that at one point it had meat on it. By the time we get to it it; there is just a pile of bones floating on grease (Which may explain the family's high blood pressure and cholesterol).

The first time I saw it, Mother pointed it out to me. We were standing at a table loaded with various questionable country dishes. Mother was identifying some of the dishes to me when she pointed to the greasy pan. "That's raccoon". I recalled how mother had once told me that she didn't eat raccoon because it looked like a cooked dog. Looking at the remaining bones, I had to agree.

That wasn't good enough for mother. She had to ask, "Who made the raccoon"? One of the cousins, who will remain nameless, walked over to Mother. "I made it. I guess I should have brought two. I wasn't expecting it to go so fast." Yeah, you and me both.

We finished making our plates and sat at one of the tables. While we were making our way around the room, I kept glancing at plates trying to find the poor souls that chose to eat the raccoon. I still haven't discovered their identities, which is probably for the best.

If the thought of raccoon for Thanksgiving wasn't bad enough, the dinner conversation at our table was worse. We had the misfortune to sit with several older members of the family who thought they should reminiscence on wildlife meals of yore. They started with wild turkeys and made their way down the wildlife list to possum. The topic of possum made mother pipe in with her mother's opinion of possum. "Now Momma wouldn't eat possum. She said it was because you always find possums in graveyards." Now this statement led to a discussion on where to hunt for possums. I don't think I have to tell you I didn't eat much of the meal. Partly because of the dinner conversation and because some of the country folks not being able to cook.

I endured a few more family Thankgiving dinners before I stopped going. I realized that sometimes the best way to give thanks for family is staying away. Mother still goes and she tells me about whatever new mystery dish was added to the table. The cousin still brings one raccoon which is always picked clean by the time she gets to it. She talks about who was there this year, who is feuding with the family and other family gossip. All while she makes herself a plate of the hen casserole she made earlier for us. It is during these moments, I truly give thanks for my family.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Other Side of Southern Manners

2005-11-15T15:37:00.000-05:00

I had a gathering at my home recently and I was the recipient of the other side of Southern Manners. If you are not sure what that is let me give you an example; Well bless her heart, I guess she tried to do her best. This statement says the speaker is understanding and sympathetic to the person trying to do her best. WRONG. In all actuality they are mocking her attempts by covering it in a sugary sentiment: bless her heart. I can't say that I'm innocent of using this phrase, but I have at times used it sincerely. I often wonder why we choose to dance around what we want to say by dressing it up. The other people we are talking to know the 411, they use the same inflection and meaning in the same conversation and yet we try to make ourselves think we are good people by dressing up a cut down. I used to work with a lady who had the worst habit of gossiping. She drove me nuts! Not only did she say Bless her heart, she used this syrupy voice that in truth came to sound like poison to me. I am just to the point that if you are going to say something, say it to the person's face. Some may cry from the criticism, because they did try their hardest, but some might surprise you and snap back with some true Southern backbone. Why don't we give this a try: Say what you mean and Mean what you say. It might be a little bit harsh at first, but then again think of how refreshing it would be to know where you stand with people and not have to watch your back so much.

Church is the best setting for the sugar coated insult. Little old ladies are the worst when it comes to talking bad about you and your family. I think they do it just to watch you squirm (so they can talk about it later). They love to gang up on babies. "Oh look at the baby, isn't he/she precious?" This is code for "Hey y'all look at this ugly baby!" Or another favorite "What a precious baby." This means "Lord, I can't tell if this is a child or a baboon's butt."

Note: If the people at church never use the word cute before saying the baby is precious--Your child is ugly!

Then they start talking about your parents. "Ain't you so and so's boy/girl? Uhh huh." Now this is the part where they get you. "Now tell me, did your daddy ever get out of jail?" or "I remember she got into some trouble awhile back. Did she ever get her life in order?" Now if you have given them bad news then they close with "Well...there's nothing we can do but ask the Good Lord to guide/heal him/her." Positive news leads to a closing like this: "I knew that boy/girl would turn out to be something, despite what folks said about them."

It's just Southern Manners

2005-10-24T14:11:00.000-05:00

I got to thinking and well.. people who are not from the South just don't get certain things. For instance, to be polite will not hurt or kill you, it's a common decency that our Mommas taught us. I know when I was growing up if I didn't thank someone for a gift or say excuse me there would be a smarting hiney in my future. Not to say my Mom beat me, she didn't, but she smacked my hiney enough to make sure the knowledge stayed in place. And thus at the ripe old age of 32 I say "Yes ma'am", "No ma'am", "Please" and "Thank you" without thought, it's just automatic. Another thing that most do not get.... respect. It goes hand and hand with politeness. You can even be polite and respectful to strangers. For example: You bump into a stranger on the street you say "Excuse me." This doesn't mean you are looking for a relationship,(unless the guy looks like one of the following: Gerard Butler, Ewen McGregor, Harry Connick Jr...etc ) it's just being nice about your clumsiness.. even if it was their fault. We spank our kids. We don't beat them. As mentioned previously I got spanked quite a bit while growing up. Oh the horror! (Rolling eyes here.) I didn't come out brain dead or screwed up from this, I have a healthy respect for my parents. Right below wrath of God was wrath of Mom. I knew if I did something wrong there would be punishment. Why does it seem to me that most people don't get it? If you even mention spanking a child you get the evil eye. I don't have kids now, but I do know folks who do and they believe the same.... and hello Biblical as well spare the rod, spoil the child. You would be surprised if you only knew how many people thank their parents for disciplining them as a child. I know I did. There's more food for fodder here about what they don't get... but alas.. I'll leave that for another day.

Fair-Thee Well

2005-10-16T15:49:00.000-05:00

I saw a sign advertising the start of the local fair. This made me think about what the week before fair was like for me growing up. The church we attended when I was young, owned a food booth on the fairgrounds. Fair week was the only time it was used, so you can imagine how filthy it would be. Various church members would take turns going out to clean that nasty little booth and make minor repairs. By the end of the week, it would be clean enough to past the health inspection. I remember being excited about going to help Mother at the booth.

My great-Aunt, "Mommie", would stay at her house and bake things for the booth. You could always tell when the fair was coming because the whole street would smell like pound cake and fried sweet potato pies. She would bake the week before and the entire week of the fair.

Mother and I would deliver the goods to the booth and then work in the booth. I use to love to work the old fashion cash register. It was the old wood kind where you would just push the no sale button for it to open. I swear we were the busiest booth there. You could get the typical fair food there as well as "Soul Food" (no pun intended).

I remember the last time I worked in the booth. It was 1991, I was heartbroken to discover they had gotten rid of the old register and replaced it with a modern cash register. The new register seemed to mark the end of a golden age. 1991 was also the last year "Mommie" would stock the booth with her fried sweet potato pies and cakes. She had a massive stroke in November and later died that same year.

Fairs no longer hold the same magic for me. I haven't been to our local fair in years. But every now and then when I smell cotton candy or eat roasted peanuts I am reminded of that magical time and a part of me hopes that there is another little girl excited about spending time with her mother at the fair.

Southern Fried Welcome for Soul!!!!

2005-09-29T22:40:00.000-05:00

You Know You're From North Carolina When...

You've gotten used to the smell of cow manure on a car trip to Raleigh.

Saying "y'all" isn't just a cute expression; it actually means something.

There are big labrador retrievers in the back of every truck.

You give directions using KFC and Waffle House as landmarks.

You still see Dale Earndheart tributes on cars.

You can't imagine life without Bojangles' sweet tea

Your annual church fundraiser always deals with bbq and potato salad

You have a sunburn from May to October

Your 'heavy winter clothing' consists of some turtleneck sweaters, a fuzzy jacket, and your daddy's boots

Your family has fried chicken once a week

You can tell the difference between cotton fields and tobacco fields while driving

One of your neighbors has a confederate flag hanging on their front porch

Those "damn yankees" are taking over your school/church/workplace/neighborhood...

You've been "properly raised", and yankees love it when they hear you say "ma'am" and "sir"

You get your carbs from biscuits, rolls, pancakes, and grits

You know the difference between a "redneck" and a "hick".

You own at least one surf shop or seafood restaurant shirts.

No matter what those people in ohio say, we are still "first in flight"

The Coca-Cola 600 is as big as the Super Bowl

You prefer Chick-fil-a to KFC

You know pastry is a chicken stew, not a dessert item.

Every time you visit someone you?re offered something to eat and a glass of tea.

Your granddaddy always wore overalls and your grandma always wore an apron.

In summer you have home-grown tomatoes with every meal.

When it rains and the creek rises, everyone gathers to see how high it rose.

You know that "chunk" the ball means to throw it.

You've had a burger "all the way" - chili and slaw on it.

You can recognize a copperhead and your heart drops when you see one.

You have at least one relative that raises collards.

Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves.

Your school classes were cancelled because of a hurricane.

You know Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnut.

You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and loved it, or you hate everyone who did.

You know the best BBQ is found in Lexington

You would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's

You have actually uttered the phrase "It's too hot to go to the pool"

You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew everyday of your life.

You have your own secret bbq sauce.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from North Carolina.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

A Loving Gnaw

2005-09-27T05:57:00.000-05:00

Loving, my cat, was spayed when I was 8 years old. The surgery was no big deal, but we had the hardest time keeping her from clawing at her stiches. At first, we could just tell her to stop, and she would; but she soon began to ignore us. We then set up a system of keeping small items like her stuffed toys around to toss in her direction to catch her attention. This worked with no trouble at all.

Trouble arrived a few days later in the form of Aunt Clara . Aunt Clara, mother's sister, lived in New York and did not possess the nicest of dispositions. She took an immediate disliking to Loving and would mistreat her at any given opportunity. Rather than tossing the light objects we kept around, Aunt Clara would hit Loving with her cane. If her cane was not available (because mother or I had hidden it) she would throw shoes, books, anything close by at Loving. This went on for over a week.

One afternoon, Mother went somewhere (I don't remember where) leaving me with Aunt Clara. Aunt Clara (I'm really going to have to tell you about her one day) didn't want to be bothered watching me; so she made me lie down beside her while she took a nap. I was sitting on the bed watching Aunt Clara snore when I noticed the bedroom door open slightly. Loving had slipped into the room and was making her way to the bed. She hopped on the bed and had a seat beside Aunt Clara's right foot. She paused for a moment before she leaned down, sniffed the big toe, then bit it. Aunt Clara kicked out her foot and mumbled "Ginny, stop kicking me" and went back to snoring.

Loving waited another minute before jumping back on the bed. I (being the Genius that I am) decided the best bet was to lie down and pretend to be asleep. Loving stretched out on her belly and grabbed Aunt Clara's big toe between her two (front) paws and began to gnaw on the toe.Aunt Clara shot up screaming, "That G-D cat bit my G-D big toe". I pretended to just wake up and asked what was she fussing about (did I mention I am an award winning actress as well). Aunt Clara fussed and cussed for over 10 minutes repeatedly threatening to kill the cat, but Loving was long gone.

All that fussing and cussing must have worn Aunt Clara out because she went right back to sleep. This time she made sure to lock the door after she ordered me to watch tv and let her sleep in peace. When Mother returned home, I met her at the door to tell her about the incident.

"Momma, Loving gnawed on Aunt Clara's big toe", I whispered.

"How do you know she was gnawing?"

I replied, "Because that's what Loving was saying as she bit the toe! GNAW, GNAW, GNAW, GNAW!"

Full of Baloney

2005-09-20T22:46:00.000-05:00

I was watching one of those Oscar Meyer commercials on TV when I noticed something that really disturbed me. The little girl in the commercial takes a huge bite out of her sandwich, and holds it up to the camera. That's not the disturbing part, well...it is, but not the one I am referring to. When she held the sandwich up to the camera I noticed the baloney was (brace yourselves) RAW! Troubling isn't it?

Naturally, I had to point this out to my mother. So when I saw the commercial again; I ran to her room to show her what I was talking about. She sat there watching the commercial and as I was hysterically pointing out the raw baloney, she burst out laughing. LAUGHING! She laughed at me for a good five minutes before she informed me that baloney is already cooked when it is packaged. Huh?

Now before you start thinking I should make my way over to a short bus; let me defend myself. In all my 20-something years of living, the only way I have ever eaten baloney was fried. That's the only way I have seen my mother and other family members eat it, FRIED. You don't eat bacon straight out the package, do you? No one had to tell you to cook the bacon before eating it, right? Same concept.

Mother assures me that a) baloney is not raw and b) I will not die of some horrible unknown disease from eating unfried (raw) baloney. She even admits to eating it unfried; 20-something years ago before I was born. I still have my doubts. I'm not sure if it is because Mother hasn't tried it that way since or because she keeps snickering every time she looks at me.

Well, I guess it is time for me to close. I can see from the bubble in center of the baloney, it is time for me to flip it. Happy eatings y'all!

Represent Your State

2005-09-18T20:31:00.000-05:00

You Know You're From Alabama When...

You have a party or a barbeque whenever Alabama plays Auburn in football.

You go to Gulf Shores every summer.

You call the Atlanta Braves baseball team "us" like they're actually from Alabama.

You would much rather visit Florida than California.

You don't "take", you "carry" or "tote"... as in "You want me to carry you down to the 7-11?"

A soft drink isn't soda, cola, or pop, it's Coke.

You call it a "buggy" and not a shopping cart.

You've said "fixin' to," "might could," or "usetacould" during the last week.

Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

You know the meaning of the phrase "Fobbed again."

You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Opelika, Bayou La Batre, and Oneonta.

The Talladega 500 is the biggest sporting event of any sort during the entire year.

You know exactly what chitlins and mountain oysters are, and you know someone who eats them anyway.

You think that people who complain about the humidity in other states are sissies.

You aren't surprised to find rental movies, groceries, ammunition and bait all in the same store.

You've missed a wedding or a funeral to go to a football game.

Asian food is always "CHINESE" regardless of the fact that it may actually be Korean or Japanese or Thai

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Alabama.

You Know You're From South Carolina When...

There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's "dinner" and then there's "supper."

Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two.

"Backards and forwards" means, "I know everything about you."

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 of more, except for Orangeburg which has Dairy-O.

You know that going "barefootin" is one of the great joys of life

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

"Vacation" means going to Myrtle Beach.

Out of state friends beg you to send them fireworks

You know at least three places to get great fried chicken

You've taken a road trip to South of the Border - and it wasn't Mexico

You buy your groceries at Winn-Dixie

You know someone who works at Hooters

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from South Carolina.

Whatever happened to candy and flowers?

2005-09-15T21:32:00.000-05:00

Okay, taking the lighter road of what I was originally going to write. Let's talk about men. I want to know what it is about men that drive women crazy. They have no clue what we want, when we want it and where we want it. And that's just taking out the garbage. j/k They want a woman who nurtures them like their momma, turns them on like a hooker and does everything herself.
Welcome to the real world Mister. Most women work out of the home. We are tired to the point that making an effort just doesn't even sound appealing to us. And as for the just like mom part.. that would be under nagging witch, which they hate. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we felt like they make an effort. Do you know that I used to look for all sorts of things in a man? Now, the thing that turns me on the most is if he picks up after himself without me asking him. Make the bed, cook dinner, heck take the trash out and wash the dishes. These are things that mean more to me than candy and flowers now. Yes ladies, I've been married almost 9 years. And it don't get any prettier. It has taken my grandmother over fifty years to "train" my grandfather.
I'm not trying to scare any single women out there, just want to forewarn you. The man that you adore, you could swear he hung the moon will change and not for the better. Work, money and age will all come in to play to effect your happy marriage. Men typically have short attention spans, ego trips and most importantly the mentality of a child about his toys. There is a saying; He who dies with the most toys wins. Also the older they get the more expensive their toys are.
And I know, ya'll are probably thinking; "she hates men, hates her husband". Nope. I like men very much and I do love my husband. It's just sometimes I can't stand him. That's the part of being the opposite sex. They will never understand us and we will continually be pissed off by them. But sometimes... just sometimes there are moments when I can look at him and catch his eye, an understanding will pass between us. He actually has a clue what I'm thinking during that situation. Those are the rare moments of unity.

Though you may not drive a great big Cadillac...

2005-09-01T01:33:00.000-05:00

It's strange how we often forget just how blessed we are. It takes watching the nation in the aftermath of tragedy to bring that home. Right now our Southern brethren suffer from the worst natural disaster in history. This occurring only a year after Florida experienced multiple hurricanes.

There are no words to describe the devastation left in Katrina's wake. Families are torn, homes destroyed, jobs lost. I will admit that events like this really put things in perspective. I often complain that nothing exciting ever happens here in Laurens. But, after seeing the images of the destruction Katrina left behind, I am so thankful that nothing exciting ever happens in Laurens. It is sad that it takes such tragedy to remind us.

There is nothing that can really be said to the survivors or victims' families and friends without sounding trivial. Just know that all of you have my prayers.

...Just be thankful for what you've got

If You're Redneck and You Know It Clap Your Hands

2005-08-26T21:38:00.000-05:00

Whenever I tell people I am from the South, the first thing they ask is "How can you stand living among all those Rednecks?" Naturally, I ask what do they mean by redneck and would they be so kind as to define it for me and (of course) they never can. Redneck is a word that most Southerners use quite liberally but has several different meanings (kind of like the dreaded "N" word). Now I personally believe that Jeff Foxworthy explains redneck the best. He defines it as "the glorious absence of sophistication".

Now I give you that definition because I had a startling epiphany last year. Mother and I had been laughing about some of my grandfather's cooking attempts when it suddenly hit me. Grandpa was a redneck. I don't know what possessed me to think that, so I started thinking of the things he had done while I was growing up hoping to prove myself wrong. As I thought about it, I realized that yes, Grandpa was indeed a redneck. See when Grandpa did or said strange things, Mother always explained it to me as Grandpa being a "country boy". So I grew up knowing that Grandpa was country, no big deal. The signs were there, I just didn't understand what they were. Now this leads me into the best example of Grandpa's redneckness, redneckiness, however the heck you say it , here's proof that Grandpa was a redneck.

Grandpa used to make a stew he called "Chicken Mulligan". He would cook a large batch of it and freeze it in small containers. He would thaw out a container of chicken mulligan every Tuesday for dinner (supper for you Southerners). He would call some Tuesdays and ask if Mother and I wanted to come over to his house and have chicken mulligan. Mother never wanted to eat chicken mulligan, but she would let me go over there to eat with him. I had been going to Grandpa's for chicken mulligan for over a year before I found out that there was no chicken in "chicken mulligan". Grandpa's Chicken Mulligan was made with squirrel. Oh, but the tale doesn't end there. Grandpa didn't go hunting for squirrels, that was asking too much. He got a special permit allowing him to discharge a firearm in city limits. Rather than going to the woods to hunt the squirrels, he would sit in a chair in the backyard and shoot the squirrels in the pecan trees. His reasoning for this was, the squirrels were eating his pecans.

Yes, my grandpa was a (black) redneck. I am not ashamed to admit it(now). Don't laugh too hard! You too, have redneck roots. Redneck is a state of mind that crosses the boundaries of race and geography. Everyone has "country", "ghetto", or "soulful" family members that never fail to embarrass you (and if you don't then it's probably you). Go ahead and admit it, there's no shame in it. Embrace your inner Redneck today.

Cornbread, NOT Cake

2005-08-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

Besides sweet tea there is a big confusion with cornbread. Think about it. Cornbread is supposed to suck up over 80% of the water in your body. It's not sweet. There are acceptable variations in the South for cornbread, but sweet is not one of them. That's just cake. There is Mexican cornbread with some yummy peppers mixed into it, there is cornbread baked in cute little muffin tins. (Served at Cracker Barrell's everywhere.) And most importantly Grandma's homemade cornbread.
No matter what kind of meal there is usually some cornbread on the table when Grandma cooks. Chilli, soup, Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas dinner.. it's not seasonal and it goes with everything.
I've seen some Northerners flinch at how cornbread is used sometimes (my brother in laws are both Northern, thank goodness they had the good sense to marry Southern women to set them straight) But I've seen them cringe at using cornbread to 'sop' up the juice from turnip greens, stews, soups, etc. And they have seen the light and now they eat cornbread not cake.
My last comment is not of cornbread, but something that is usually there with cornbread for family gatherings. Sweet Potatoes. They have to be baked with marshmallows (some people like nuts with it, but I just like marshmallows).
These things fixed any other way is not of God.

When Jenn told me she was going to make a post about cornbread the first thing I asked was "Jiffy sweet or regular?" When she began her tirade about the evils of sweet cornbread, I didn't have the heart to tell her I actually like Jiffy cornbread (I hope we will still be friends after she reads this post). I decided that it may not be a good idea to start a great debate on sweet cornbread vs dry crusty cornbread (save that for when we get more visitors). So I mentioned the topic to my mother; hoping she would have some suggestions. She whipped her head around and gave me a "serious" (she says serious but it was really more of a slightly crazed) look, "Well I hope you are going to say something about making dressing with sweet cornbread". Sure...I can do that.

Now before I start talking about the evil sweet dressing, I figure I should explain what dressing is to the people (yankees) unfamiliar with it. Dressing is a cornbread based mix made with celery and onions. This mixture may seem familiar to some people who mistakenly (ignorantly) put a similar cornbread mix into the lower cavity (do I even need to say it) of a turkey. Now we in the South figured out this was not a good idea because it takes even longer for the turkey to cook when you do this. Instead, we put the cornbread mixture in a baking dish and bake it. Now I know the stuffing folks are saying, "The stuffing is to keep the turkey moist" (or whatever the dumb logic may be). To that I must say, that's what God created those funny meat filled bags in the turkey for, to make giblet gravy.

Now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about the sweet dressing. As mentioned earlier there are two main types of cornbread, sweet and regular. When making dressing, the proper cornbread to use is homemade cornbread ( see dry cornbread grandma makes). There are a few misguided souls (Bless their heart) out there that think it is ok to put the sweet cornbread in the dressing mix. Well, it's NOT OK. It is WRONG! Very,very Wrong. I want you to stop and think about this... Jenn already told you sweet cornbread is like cake. Can you imagine cake smothered in gravy...with little chunks of meat floating around. Makes your stomach turn just thinking about it, right. Well then, STOP MAKING THAT CRAP! You know who you are, don't make me call you out. And if you are one of those "special" individuals that make sweet dressing, stop asking us "Is there something wrong wrong with the dressing" when you notice no one is eating it. Yes, something is wrong. You have managed to screw up a nice family meal with your nasty dressing.

Now I would like to also comment on Jenn's brief mention of sweet potatoes. There are several other ways to prepare them. Jenn mentioned what many of us call sweet potato souffle. A lot of us include raisins and some of the truly adventurous add pineapple. Unfortunately Jenn neglected to mention two other popular sweet potato dishes. That would be sweet potato pie (baked or fried) and candied yams. I may have to write about sweet potatoes later on.

Ginny

Definitely should have mentioned the Sweet Potatoe Pie. Where was my brain? Let me think.. mentally consuming dressing, cornbread, sweet potatoe casserole, deviled eggs... etc. All that talk about the uses of Cornbread just made me hungry .

Ice Tea Anyone?

2005-08-22T09:14:00.000-05:00

I was trying to think of a simple (non-offensive) topic to kick-off the Southern Fried Writer's Blog. What in the world could I possibly talk about that absolutely screamed "Southern" without resulting in a lawsuit from Jeff Foxworthy? Should I talk about Bluebell Ice Cream? Wait they don't sell that everywhere in the South. How about speaking Southern? No that varies by state. I took a sip of tea as I pondered, What in the world could I talk about...

Why is it only people from the South have the good sense to add sugar to their ice tea? I know that sounds almost Jerry Seinfeldish (however you spell the name) but seriously, why? Almost every time I hear a Northener (Yankee) mention going "down South" they mention the sweet ice tea. They make it seem like it is some exotic delicacy that can only be found in the South. And there is always that one idiot that proudly tells the story of how he/she must stop at some restaurant because it is the first/last place they can get ice tea. Or better yet, the person who brags about making a 2-3 hour drive to a restaurant for ice tea. Or how about the nutcase that asks for the recipe for ice tea.

HELLO!!!

People it is not that serious. I could excuse it if ice tea contained rare ingredients that can only be found in the South. But it's not. The same ingredients used for ice tea can be found in the grocery store (or whatever you Yankees call them), I've checked.

1. Tea - check. I know y'all have tea bags because many of you like to irritate the locals by going to the local diner and demanding hot tea with your breakfast. And then you get mad when Charlene (or whatever the waitress' name is) gives you a glass of recently made tea with no ice.

2. Sugar - check. I know you have that because that is usually the next thing you demand after explaining to Charlene that you wanted a cup of hot water and a tea tea bag to make the hot tea.

3. Hot water - check. Most of you boil your water twice before using it anyway. Why don't you just throw a few tea bags into the water while you are at it?

Now here is the secret to making "Ice Tea". Come closer... a little closer...hold on let me make sure no one else is listening...ok... this is the secret to "Southern Ice Tea"

PUT ALL 3 INGREDIENTS TOGETHER IN A PITCHER...AND STIR!!!

And to think you people call us slow in the South. Oh , wait I almost forgot. I will speak slowly for this one.

Put the pitcher into the refrigerator.

There you have it. The great mystery behind Southern Ice Tea.