The Other Side of Southern Manners

I had a gathering at my home recently and I was the recipient of the other side of Southern Manners. If you are not sure what that is let me give you an example; Well bless her heart, I guess she tried to do her best. This statement says the speaker is understanding and sympathetic to the person trying to do her best. WRONG. In all actuality they are mocking her attempts by covering it in a sugary sentiment: bless her heart. I can't say that I'm innocent of using this phrase, but I have at times used it sincerely. I often wonder why we choose to dance around what we want to say by dressing it up. The other people we are talking to know the 411, they use the same inflection and meaning in the same conversation and yet we try to make ourselves think we are good people by dressing up a cut down. I used to work with a lady who had the worst habit of gossiping. She drove me nuts! Not only did she say Bless her heart, she used this syrupy voice that in truth came to sound like poison to me. I am just to the point that if you are going to say something, say it to the person's face. Some may cry from the criticism, because they did try their hardest, but some might surprise you and snap back with some true Southern backbone. Why don't we give this a try: Say what you mean and Mean what you say. It might be a little bit harsh at first, but then again think of how refreshing it would be to know where you stand with people and not have to watch your back so much.

Church is the best setting for the sugar coated insult. Little old ladies are the worst when it comes to talking bad about you and your family. I think they do it just to watch you squirm (so they can talk about it later). They love to gang up on babies. "Oh look at the baby, isn't he/she precious?" This is code for "Hey y'all look at this ugly baby!" Or another favorite "What a precious baby." This means "Lord, I can't tell if this is a child or a baboon's butt."

Note: If the people at church never use the word cute before saying the baby is precious--Your child is ugly!

Then they start talking about your parents. "Ain't you so and so's boy/girl? Uhh huh." Now this is the part where they get you. "Now tell me, did your daddy ever get out of jail?" or "I remember she got into some trouble awhile back. Did she ever get her life in order?" Now if you have given them bad news then they close with "Well...there's nothing we can do but ask the Good Lord to guide/heal him/her." Positive news leads to a closing like this: "I knew that boy/girl would turn out to be something, despite what folks said about them."