If You're Redneck and You Know It Clap Your Hands

Whenever I tell people I am from the South, the first thing they ask is "How can you stand living among all those Rednecks?" Naturally, I ask what do they mean by redneck and would they be so kind as to define it for me and (of course) they never can. Redneck is a word that most Southerners use quite liberally but has several different meanings (kind of like the dreaded "N" word). Now I personally believe that Jeff Foxworthy explains redneck the best. He defines it as "the glorious absence of sophistication".

Now I give you that definition because I had a startling epiphany last year. Mother and I had been laughing about some of my grandfather's cooking attempts when it suddenly hit me. Grandpa was a redneck. I don't know what possessed me to think that, so I started thinking of the things he had done while I was growing up hoping to prove myself wrong. As I thought about it, I realized that yes, Grandpa was indeed a redneck. See when Grandpa did or said strange things, Mother always explained it to me as Grandpa being a "country boy". So I grew up knowing that Grandpa was country, no big deal. The signs were there, I just didn't understand what they were. Now this leads me into the best example of Grandpa's redneckness, redneckiness, however the heck you say it , here's proof that Grandpa was a redneck.

Grandpa used to make a stew he called "Chicken Mulligan". He would cook a large batch of it and freeze it in small containers. He would thaw out a container of chicken mulligan every Tuesday for dinner (supper for you Southerners). He would call some Tuesdays and ask if Mother and I wanted to come over to his house and have chicken mulligan. Mother never wanted to eat chicken mulligan, but she would let me go over there to eat with him. I had been going to Grandpa's for chicken mulligan for over a year before I found out that there was no chicken in "chicken mulligan". Grandpa's Chicken Mulligan was made with squirrel. Oh, but the tale doesn't end there. Grandpa didn't go hunting for squirrels, that was asking too much. He got a special permit allowing him to discharge a firearm in city limits. Rather than going to the woods to hunt the squirrels, he would sit in a chair in the backyard and shoot the squirrels in the pecan trees. His reasoning for this was, the squirrels were eating his pecans.

Yes, my grandpa was a (black) redneck. I am not ashamed to admit it(now). Don't laugh too hard! You too, have redneck roots. Redneck is a state of mind that crosses the boundaries of race and geography. Everyone has "country", "ghetto", or "soulful" family members that never fail to embarrass you (and if you don't then it's probably you). Go ahead and admit it, there's no shame in it. Embrace your inner Redneck today.